I feel great
I just peed on a car
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Randomize