I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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