I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
