why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
