You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize