I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
