glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
