found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
