made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
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We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
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hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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