Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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