I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
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Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
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So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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