if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
why do cheetos always look like penises
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
