If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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