If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
