My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
