i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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