If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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