dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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