I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
