matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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