I'm passing your future prison.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
