umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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