It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
