i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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