She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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