Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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