but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
