She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
