id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
