i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
