i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize