yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
