It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
