yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
