The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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