i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
