Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
