At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
