I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
