Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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