It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
