So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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