Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
