i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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