Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
