..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
