oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
