I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
