girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
