My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Let the clothes fall where they may.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
