She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Your cock deserves a montage
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
