i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
