Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
