Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
