one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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