i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
do herpes really smell.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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