there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
